Cryer #189

WELCOME DEAR READERS TO A BUMPER EDITION OF YOUR CRYER. SO MUCH TO REPORT WE SUGGEST YOU MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE, POUR YOURSELF A TANKARD OF ALE AND PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED, ENTERTAINED, WORRIED AND INTRUIGED (perhaps not in that order)

**STOP PRESS**

CASTLE BURGLED?

There was a whisper that there may have been a break in at the castle. A shadowy figure was seem on the upper level seeming to be searching for something.

*******************************************************

* CHANCE TO EARN COIN (turn Plowshares into swords)

The Noble smith Yaron has placed this advertisement and paid generously for putting it on top

If anyone has the desire to make a few copper please speak with Yaron the noble smith. Upon taking up more responsibilities at the isle he finds himself torn between his smithing and his responsibility. He currently sits as Legion representative at the council for security and defense, as well as city planner for construction and other events, and could use the help.

Many thanks,

Yaron nHeireann

* ASHES TO ASHES – HUMANS WITHOUT WRITTEN LAW

Yaron the noble Smith recently found a fire burning outside of his smithy that had burnt to cinders a copy of the Laws of Dee. Angry he screamed out “Who would dare!!!” upon hearing that Ms. Mysti came running and helped Yaron put out the fire. They then attempted to find whoever had wronged the isle in such a way. The Following day Yaron met the reclusive Hunter Veldrin; and  asked Veldrin if he would help track down the culprit. The Hunter replied that he did not track humans, only animals of the forest. Yaron then asked him if he knew who would have the motives to burn such a document. After many tries trying to get his question answered, he finally received a response that startled him. The Hunter stated that many people would have the motive… the Hunter then departed the area. Was this hunter the one who had burned such a precious document, or was it someone else. If anyone has any information, please notify Ms. Cali, or Mr. Yaron. Thank you.

* THE LADY TWIRLS, THE HUNTER SNARLS AND THE POOR OLD LADY PRAYS

Miss Misty found a scroll, or, if we want to believe her, it got brought to her by Dexter, the lighthouse cat. You can read the poem as it was read by Miss Misty, further below.

Sir Yaron investigated on the subject of someone releasing the content of their stomach on Miss Esmeralda’s laundry and then showed interested in winning the hunter for the Legion, but the hunter declined. The Smith and Head of defence asked him “You fight a boar to help the village, yet you do not wish the help the legion?” and got back, what we must call rude and threatening “I will help your damned legion by not killing them one by one”  and from there the hunter got gradually unpleasant towards everyone in the tavern.

Miss Mysti found her way down from the upper floor rather late , to join the bardic. Strangely dressed in what could be called silks, what caused a debate about women. She stated loudly several times  “I love to dance what is so wrong with that?” and that she will continue to dance. “i love dancing and i will dance!!!” The present males, Sir Yaron and the hunter Veldrin themselves rather amazed by miss Mysti’s liking for the arts of dancing, seemed less offended or concerned than she may have thought.

Then, when the subject changed to plague and how rats

and cats are affected, Miss Mysti offered to cut the dead rats open to investigate their insides to see if she could discover a link. At this point, Miss Esmeralda called Mysti a witch and the elderly woman went into into a state of repeatedly crossing herself mumbling the names Maria, Ave and Saint Vitus over and over again. When miss Misty tried to calm the older, she snarled for her ”  Ye not touching me ye cutter of animals”

* GOBLIN SEARCHING FOR WHAT?

The male Goblin was seen near the statue in the city square digging holes in the ground. He apparently didn’t find what he was looking for, as his behaviour became more and more erratic until it brought him into a confrontation with humans (and Dart); who were gathered outside the Smithy. The lady Elizabeth attempted to be friendly with the green one, by offering him a dead chicken, which of course he greedily snatched from her hands. Then a strange thing occurred, appearing to be mollified and perhaps even touched by this gesture, he offered her a rotting corpse of a rat in return. By this time the manic creature that is Dart; believing that the chicken was in fact his, demanded its return. The goblin, about whom Dart had already referred to as a ‘Green Frog’, became furious with dart threatening to brain him with the shovel he was still holding. Then as an attempt was made by others to restrain Dart, the Goblin grabbed the rat and ran off laughing wildly.

Some interesting questions arise from this episode because the Goblin was heard to say something about half of his crown. Then later he shouted at dart that he was his riteful (sic) King. Remember dear readers long ago when posters appeared around the city proclaiming the Goblin King?

We have had our artist recreate that poster from our archives and here it is:

King Botty

Goblin King

* DART CAPTURED!

The Saga continues….. as soon as the Goblin ran, Dart was wrestled to the ground by The brawny Smith Yaron and a nearby gentleman Sir Morrice; and assisted by the aforementioned Lady Elizabeth, he was carried, kicking and screaming into the Hospital where he was shackled to a bed. Still panting from their exertions the doughty trio were joined by the Healer Mysti, who having instructed them to force open his gnashing jaws, whereupon she poured an elixir into his mouth and forced him to swallow. I shall spare you the horrible details reader, but suffice it to say his stomach was emptied of the poisons that infected him and at last he slept.

We shall tiptoe out, turn out the light and leave him to his slumbers……….

* SLIME GLORIOUS SLIME

Upon entering his smithy, the noble smith Yaron had found green trails of slime all over his equipment and furniture, a dead rat on a stick toasting in the forge and a pile of fish bones on his anvil.  looking around Yaron did not find any obvious clues as to who had made the mess. Yaron asks that if anyone has any information on who had left the mess to inform him. Also, please, if you see any creature able to leave such tracks, please ask them out of respect for other persons dwellings, to wipe their feet before entering. A human would not go to their homes and leave trails of body fluids. Thank you.

Editorial note: Green trails of Slime have been linked to the Goblins in the past

* THE KEY IS UNDER THE DRESS .. Erm.. MAT

One of my, well lets us call it a “mole” whispered something to me earlier which, although I am willing to impart, I  feel that it could cause embarrassment to those involved. Well alright, here goes… It seems that the child Drindel has a pet goat; no you did not misread that I said a goat! Well it seems that this member of the Bovidae, like most others of its kind, is partial to eating, well virtually anything really. Anyhow, the other day it managed to get into (with the connivance of Drindel we hear!) the Herb room and set about filling himself with a potentially lethal cocktail of the green stuff. Our Healer Mysti (MysticallDream) had a dilemma on her hands, so calling upon brawny Smith Yaron she persuaded him to fit locks. Now this should be a relatively simple operation, but I fear that it was a Chastity Belt that was being fitted for a lock rather than the Herb room door. Phrases such as: “Yaron can you get into the back door?” and “Yaron,.. i want you to be able to get into the front doors but not the back door thats the goal” or “I want front entry but not back” and again “I can indeed get into your front door but not your back door”

I think it was at this point that “knockers” were mentioned and my poor mole had to stagger away in order to dunk himself under the cold waters of a waterfall .

I don’t know about you readers, but unlike Mysti (groans Nun Pun alert…. Ed), I suggest we draw a veil over the whole thing.

* NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!

Drindel knocked on the door of the hospital and shouted “Would you have any idea who may have had the motives to burn the old laws of Dee?” The voice of Miss Mysti replied from inside: “Can one of you gentlemen hand me my clothes on the bed please”; The girl, Drindel, with hearing male voices and a woman wanting her clothing off the bed , probably decided she better may come back later. In turning she said ” come on Goatie something going on we do not want to know.” After few steps another comment from the girl  “Mens voices and one woman wanting her clothing from the bed , I see no red candel burning doth you Goatie?”

*  DART’s RUDE AWAKENING

As Dart the Bard lay wasting away in the Dee Hospital a visitor came to see him, Drindel. Stepping close enough she could smell the rotting of his breath and body, her nose scrunched up and her fingers went straight to her nose and pinched the stench out from her nostrils and in a soft childish voice said, “One does not mind smelling ones self but when another smells worse than her goat tis time for his bath” Looking down at the slop bucket next to his bed she said  “now this will do, I go fetch thee water and some lye soap, Dear Sir Darts alot , we gets you cleaned up ”

Lucky for Dart she was stopped before she could use his chamber pot for his bath water..

Lady Mysti had her use the water by the fire, and tossed in “we need to heat it first” but there again children are so much faster than adults; she had grabbed the water up and headed towards Dart with the bucket before she heard those words, the boots she now wears being 5 times bigger than her own feet caused her miss step and the bucket of cold water landed over dart, waking the poor man causing him to wither and wail, thrashing about…….

The Mushrooms he had been eating seemingly no longer infested his brains with delusions – it was now apparent the thing that tormented him was of the spirit world… and as he laid in bed he called out as he thrashed at his bindings……and started to babble again…..”Gota get up……lighthouse….damn cat…….demon girl … Help… Elf lady! ” and screamed again…..”OW!! Demons attacking……Bring Elf Lady………….” then passed back into oblivion.

Maybe what torments him comes from the lighthouse where he spent so much time. It has long been suspected that there are many ghosts in Dee, the Lighthouse being just one of them.

*   SHORT NEWS AND ADS

–  Smithy open – if you need anything metallic you know where to go. Sir Yaron the blacksmith

– Should someone suffer the following symptoms;  High fever, headaches, painful, aching joints, nausea and vomiting Painful swellings (buboes) in the armpits, legs, neck, or groin and a general feeling of malaise….. Is advised to seek out the hospital without delay.

– Market spots available. Trading flourishes at the Isle. Want to claim a spot to offer your wares that you crafted? Talk to miss Misty

– For medical aid see Miss Mysti and Sir Coke, healer in the City of Dee hospital or Miss Miggins, herbalist of the St Vitus village

– Join the Legion. Talk to Sir Yaron

– Don’t slip due stepping in horse dung

– Beware the aggressive Lighthouse Wasps and Forest bees

– Do NOT feed alcohol or Mushrooms to the Bard

– Do NOT drink something the children give you!

* POETRY

Last Monday, read by misty from a scroll dropped to her by a cat:

Strolling through the vale this day, our bard can feel the peace
the quiet of his lovely home, in Dee, God’s blessed gift.
The sunlight sends it’s shafts of light amid the leaves. Air so sweet.
sheltered island all replete
chipmunks scamper at his feet;
a gentle breeze to calm the heat, so peaceful that he weeps.

Thinks life could not be better, sits he down to compose new verse
two beautiful bluebirds alight on his hand.
Twin angels bedecked in bright colors. Wings spread they start to converse
voices with harmonious parts;
a lullaby, healing to his poor heart.
A perfect song, right from the start. He slumbers, unsuspecting the worst.

Awakens he, the dusk has fallen, a chill biting wind hits him strong
He draws his cloak tight round his shoulders for warmth
standing up in the vale , stretching limbs, in the dim light glances ’round…….
bloody feathers in a heap
scant but distinct, an offal reek
not a sound, no songbird’s peep, and a plump cat scampers quick ‘ore the ground!

Draws his blade as quick can be, our bard sets after that beast
for robbing his life what was precious and fine.
He will give it it’s dues for the crime it has done, and will at least
trounce it quite good
turn it into dog food
or perhaps he should drown it in Dee’s clear creek!

So the last they are seen on this day in the vale, the cat sprinting as fast as it.can
with the bard close behind in a murderous mind
leaves a-flying they streak, a small blur and a large, feline and man.
You are doomed damn cat
I will get you for that
You can’t hide because you’re too fat!
and they ran and they ran and they ran

What to one is a blessing to others’ a curse. ‘Tis the way of our world as it be.
No one way to view life, nor a path that is straight.
This no poet, nor king nor queen may at all disagree.
Here sweet little kitty-cat
In your mouth, what is that?
OH GODS! It’s a RAT!

******************************************************

* DANCE TO CELEBRATE THE END AND RESULT OF ELECTIONS

Letters to the Cryer are full of request for the date and location of the Dance. We sincerely regret to have no news to share at this point regarding this event, but we do hope to be able within the next issues announce the Happening.

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About Runa The Wild Elf

Wild Elf, nut addict, sleepless, silly
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